Jack jumps over a candlestick.

Pillar candle, remote not shown.

Years ago, I stumbled across an electric fork. I thought it was the funniest gimic I’d ever seen. Yesterday, I opened a new gadget-filled catalog and saw something that beats a hot fork, tines down — a remote-controlled candle.

Instead of a flickering flame, it has a flickering LED. I’ve seen votive-sized ones and, I admit, they are quite realistic. Flameless candles do offer certain advantages: wax doesn’t melt all over the edge of the bathtub and there’s no fire danger. But these newer LED candle versions come with a wireless remote that requires three AAA batteries. There is  something wrong with that. The batteries will have to be replaced periodically just to be able to “light”the candles remotely, matchlessly.

On the other hand, an old-fashioned wicked candle needs only a match, a much cheaper alternative to batteries. Isn’t part of the magic of candlelight the gentle process of striking a match and watching the flame burst and grow? And putting candles out with a snuffer provides added romance.

Trade the fascination of real candles aglow? Tsk tsk.

Now, fair dues, in the same catalog, I saw something that would make my breakfasts and late night snacks perfect — a  divided bowl! Cereal goes in one half, milk in the other. A spoonful from each side and, voila, no more sodden cereal. A brilliant solution to a soggy problem!

Except! didn’t someone come up with a similar idea years and years ago? Baby dishes — a section for peas, one for applesauce, another for creamed corn. Different application, but the same idea. Somehow, an ugly, modern plastic dish doesn’t hold a candle to a pretty little baby dish for my Cheerios and milk. Maybe sliced bananas in the third spot?