Bigger isn’t always better.

Addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division are not my strengths.  Unless the situation absolutely demands it, I don’t do numbers.

I do words.

Thank goodness my social security number is easy to remember.  Our street address, too — it’s the same, minus a one, as the address where I grew up. Our phone number back then was 1128W, but our current number?  Let me think.  I can remember my own age (odd years are easier than even), and that my husband is seventy years older than our dog who is five.

The blasted multiplication tables handed me yet another comeuppance not too long ago. The seven-inch magnifying mirror I’ve had for at least five years has a modest sticker that whispers 5X.  If that means what I think, then my face looks five times larger than when it’s reflected on the non-magnifying side. I can handle that. That bit of up-sizing helps me pencil in my balding eyebrows, and darken, clumpily, my graying lashes.

Over the past months though, I’ve noticed I haven’t been able to see what I was doing to myself at 5X as clearly as before. I found a three-inch “purse-size” one that shouted 10X on a sticky label that covered the glass.  By my calculations, ten times the magnification should be big enough.


I had no idea how my age spots (fka freckles) looked, nor how many stray chin hairs (think bearded lady) and errant eyebrows (under my brow line where I don’t need them) I had. Obviously I’ve wasted a lot of money over the years on the vats of Clinique All Day Eye Creme I’ve used to shore up my bagging eyes.  And where the bleeding heck did that cluster of flaming red spiders come from?

What must I look like to others?

Where is that glib woman who used to boast, “I’ve earned every wrinkle I’ve got”?  My face is ready for Halloween!  All I need is a black pointy hat and a broom.

I have the broom.



12 thoughts on “Bigger isn’t always better.

  1. Let’s remember that the rest of us only see you at 1x yourself–so we can’t see those things either. No one would believe you are the age you are if you published it…which I won’t.


  2. The next time I look at myself 10X I’ll try to remember. Thank you. I did…publish my age previously. It’s no secret that I’m a year younger than Peter. 😉


  3. Why not just get rid of the magnifying mirrors, and also do not EVER look at yourself in the car visor mirror in broad daylight! I will always see you in my mind (and heart!) as we were in college, Judy!
    PS It’s much easier with even years, i.e. 40 🙂


  4. I’ve noticed on days when I am rested and feel especially happy, I look younger. Also when I am busy and don’t have time to look in the mirror too often.


  5. My friend has one of those magnifying mirrors attached to the wall right next to the window. Now that is a scary sight when you see yourself magnified and in natural light…. and make up does not help!!! I find if you hang out with people around your age their sight is as good as yours and we all look great!!! Love the story!


  6. For goodness sakes, put away the magnifying glass and look in a mirror in see the amazing and wonderful woman you are…even if you do ride a broom sometimes!! 😉


  7. Loved your post and it made me think about a broom and a 10X for myself! Thanks girlfriend for the advice. Why didn’t you tell me when you saw me recently that I had a chin beard, no eyebrows and needed an eye and chin lift? What are friends for, right? BUT, I don’t really want a 10X mirror as it’ll show me the truth and at 65 I don’t want the truth.


  8. Thanks, Shelia, but you are not 65. Impossible! As several of my commenters have said, at a certain age you can’t see the imperfections in others, so if you have those problems, I don’t know it and nobody else does either. I think the best thing is to remember, what you don’t know won’t hurt you. Scrap the 10X idea!


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