Sweatshirt or teacups?

Most females —  pubescent girls to great-grandmas — hate to shop for brassieres with good reason. It is a daunting task.

With a selection of options dangling over our arms we enter fitting rooms. Will these fit? The light is so dim and so yellow we can’t find ourselves in the mirrors.

There is an amazing multitude of choices — see-through, peek-through, maximizer, minimizer, strap, no strap, stays, zippers, sexy, modest, sports, evening, buster booster, training. Then there are color choices from white to demure pastels, vivid colors, camouflage, leopard spots, zebra stripes, and fabrics from cotton, rayon, nylon, satin, spandex, and trims from dainty ribbons to sequins, rhinestones, lace, and mirrors.

As far as I’m concerned, the perfect bra is a sweatshirt. —Maxine

Once a year I force myself to shop for these skimpy necessities in a jungle of Maidenform, Olga, Jockey, Playtex, Bali, Warner’s, Vanity Fair, Bare Necessity and Glamorise.  Where is a saleslady when I want one? I wander alone through clogged aisles, searching for white comfort, size, wire-less, padding-less.

Finally, armed with several types, I enter a murky dressing room that shows signs of someone having lunched there. I strip from the waist up. Ugh. The mirror, obviously, came from a defunct funhouse!

But I get lucky. Two options work. Done. I am prepared to stuff my merchandise in my purse and leave if I can’t find someone to ring me up quickly.  A clerk from Bed & Bath finds me before I make my getaway.

A good friend is like a good bra…hard to find, supportive, comfortable, there to lift you up and always close to your heart! — Anon

When I clip the tags off my purchases, I see this: The Playtex Vacationer™ — Around or out of town, this felxible [sic] bra will whisk you away with coolness and comfort. Destined to be your go-to-bra, wherever you go. I seldom go anywhere anymore, but now, when I do, I’ll have the perfect undergarment with …rounderaccommodating cups [that] mean less spillage….  If I’d wanted a teacup I’d have gone to Housewares.



Prince Albert Collection teacup.